hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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