Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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