I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
