i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize