were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
