She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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