nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
