so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
