I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
