Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's shark week go big or go home
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
