Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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