she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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