How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize