the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
