I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
