Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
