does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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