I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
