Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I looked at my own cervix.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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