I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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