happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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