i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
