apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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