She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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