I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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