Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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