Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
