break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
