my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize