people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
