I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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