Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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