Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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