she was so not down for the gang bang
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Michael Bay diarrhea
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
