smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
