i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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