You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
