and she was petting her beer can
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize