It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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