I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
