fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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