Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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