Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize