We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
