i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
