But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
