Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
