I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
