He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
