:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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