if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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