No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
