I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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