So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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