True but thats because hes a fetus.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
