I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
