dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ladies don't puke and tell
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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