I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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