Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
