YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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