So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I could fuck to npr.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
