Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
