you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
