This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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