I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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