She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
