dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
