he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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