Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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