please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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