He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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