It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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