Buhtt sex?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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