I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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