I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
