finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
