At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
