just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
