Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
