craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize