Apparently you make a good broom.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
