Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
