How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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