he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
