Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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