I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think I am morally bankrupt
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
