You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
