just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Mom said you looked used
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
