"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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