We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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