So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
