just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
