Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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