Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
