it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
